Dear Gang:

First of all, this isn’t technically an email FROM space. It’s being written in space (on March 21, 2003, Earth time, which means we have now missed Caleb's birthday, Chill's birthday, and my (uh oh) wife's birthday while we've been out here), but since I can’t exactly send if from here, it’s going to be cut-n-pasted back home and put into this email you’re reading. Right now it’s a letter from space, but will be an email (hopefully) soon.

Second of all, let me get the apology out of the way. I know, by now you’ve already heard it from all of us, but I feel the need to make the first one here. We’re sorry for disappearing on you – literally, right in front of some confused F-16s – and vanishing without a word for (what I assume will be) a couple of weeks. Honest, if we had a way to get word all the way back to you from another GALAXY, and let you know that we’re 1) not dead and 2) doing just fine, we would. But neither we nor word from us can get back until our inter-galactic ride – a gal name Traveler that several of you know – has regained enough strength for such a long round-trip journey. Even then they’re going to be nervous about letting her use all her juice again, since though we’re in a state of stand-down, the Realm Empire DID almost go to war with the Harcor Empire just a few days ago, and things are still dicey. Heh. Funny how I automatically said “we” when I mentioned the Realm Empire. Might have something to do with me being a high-ranking officer in the Empire now…

Anyway, we’re sorry about any worry we might have caused you all, and for any fruitless searching you had to do trying to find us. Weren’t where you were lookin’, were we? I’ve written an even bigger apology to my wife and daughter already. How we ended up in another galaxy in the first place, and how we stopped a two-bit punk-ass retired Earth villain from starting a galactic war (a villain who once almost killed Wally in his early Electro Man days), will be discussed with you first thing, I’m sure, so I won’t go into it here . I wanted to use this time to 1) apologize and 2) just give you an idea of what we’re going through out here in the middle of a galaxy far, far away.

I’m currently sitting in the #34 observation lounge of the Realmship Forte (yes, that’s the name, and yes, we’re where the name came from), at a table, typing this on the Questbook from the Mariner. And I’m currently looking out through a window – which pretty much takes up the whole wall – at a planet. It’s an impossibly green planet called Sahha, one with no oceans, covered from pole to pole in rich, overwhelming vegetation. We’re in high orbit above it tonight, where we’ll stay until we make way in the morning (as morning is measured on space ships) and head out for the Gatayvi system, a family of three planets that range from desert world to ice world to sea world.

Yes, this is actually my life. I keep trying to remind myself of that.

I know I’ve been in space before, but this is somehow different. I spent most of that stuck on a Saoshyant ship, barely getting to see the worlds we dropped other kidnapped races back on as we headed back to our own home. Here, in this particular galaxy? This is civilized space. This is Realm space. This empire had stood for over two thousand years, but many of the worlds that are now part of it have rich histories stretching back TENS of thousands of years. To imagine all us silly Earthlings sitting around on our lone blue world, debating amongst ourselves as to whether we’re alone in the universe, is so completely laughable when you’re sitting here in the middle of the hundreds of systems that are part of the Empire. So many races, so many cultures. There’s so much we could learn out here. Lifetimes of study. And yet, we’re actually quibbling over whether we should bother trying to make it to Mars?

These have been easily the most extraordinary days of my life. And considering the days we’ve all collectively had, you know that’s saying a LOT. I wish you were all here with me…and with Tommy, Jeremy and Holly. What an amazing adventure we’re found ourselves on. Yeah, sure, there was that part about stopping a huge interstellar war, but that actually happened fairly quickly. It’s the stuff since then that’s been one once-in-a-lifetime after another. The stuff that didn’t require the use of our fists. I’m talking about touring the Empire. Hanging with royalty. Meeting such unforgettable people and being so grateful for these translators we’re wearing so that we can really get to know them and their lives and their stories. There have been many moments in the past week where I entertained the idea (though not seriously, don’t worry) of just staying out here and spending the rest of my days hopping from planet to planet. Kind of a hard sell to the wife and daughter, isn’t it? No, I’ll be coming home, but I can tell you, that’s going to be a very, very sad day for me.

Sorry, had to take a break there. My Cultural Advisor just dropped by to say hi and make sure I was clear on all the expectations of me during tomorrow afternoon’s temple service on Gee Tu. Each of us Earthy folks has our own Advisor. Mine’s a shortish Ritelian named Mwa. Ritelians are kind of scaly, bluish in hue, and have eyeballs about as big around as the circumference of a beer stein. Cultural Advisors spend their whole lives doing nothing but learning about (and teaching about) different cultures. They have to have a good general knowledge of as many as possible, but they each have areas of specialty, too. So if you’re a Realm High Councilor and you’re going on a fact-finding trip to Akate 3, you want to be sure to book a C.A. who knows every in and out of that place’s religions, social norms, etc. ‘Cause if you bow when you should have saluted…HELL-o! Thousand year holy war! Okay, maybe it’s not all THAT bad (or maybe it is…), but a good C.A. (I think I’m the only one who calls them C.A.’s, too) is obviously a very important thing. The Realmsovereign picked ours himself, from his own personal staff. So they’re good. And very good folks. Obviously, to have that kind of knowledge and job, you need to be quite the diplomat, so they’ve all got great people skills.

Oh, and yes, I’m taking HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of photos. Thank you, Tinker, for being tech nerd enough to not only keep a laptop on the Mariner, but a digital camera, too. I started taking shots when the Realm Armada first found us floating out there in space. You can’t imagine that sight, seeing a fleet of city-sized ships suddenly all around you. Oh, wait…you don’t HAVE to imagine! I took photos! See how that works? I swear, I’m taking so many I’m going to blow out the hard drive on the Mariner’s onboard computer. How could I NOT? You have any pictures of YOU posing with a domesticated beast twice as big as an elephant? I have shots of Tommy next to a canyon the size of BRAZIL. I’m taking pictures of this big green planet in front of me right now. I’m having nightmares about a bumpy ride in the Mariner back through the stargate that causes a hard drive wipe that makes me lose all these.

Seriously, you guys ever think about this whole “the world’s not ready to know this” stuff? Can you imagine if we just went on live TV, told the world there’s a ridiculous amount of life out in the cosmos, and just started showing them all the pics and video I took? Maybe the world IS ready. Maybe we owe it to humanity to tell the truth and open their eyes to what’s really going on.

Yeah, I know. Or maybe mass suicides and holy wars would combust across the globe and we’d all start firing nukes at each other. Anyone else notice that humanity’s really retarded?

Anyway, I can’t sit here writing all night (though with this view, I’m tempted), so I just wanted to throw a few highlights at you. And I’m going to do so while drinking my second cup of this Jtiri tea that a four-armed (yet somehow quite sexy) server gal just brought me. Stuff takes a little getting used to – a little extra bitter and does this weird tingly thing to the inside of your mouth – but it’s grown on me.

So, yeah, we have officially cemented the Forte name in another galaxy. The whole “Realmship Forte” thing started thanks to Dyna Girl and her current Forte pals beating those Deviants guys back in Seattle, which made big news back here in the Realm (obviously, if the sovereign named a ship after them), but us old-school Forte people helped Holly this time. Once the (very) tense couple of days of ceasefire were out of the way, after we exposed that Hocus Pocus jackass (who’s currently rotting in a Realm prison awaiting trial, I’m glad to say) and the Garen Empire’s plotting with him to turn the Realm and Harcor against each other, the party was on. We were quickly credited with saving potentially billions of lives. Come on, we didn’t do THAT much. Seems like a lot of fanfare for us just smacking some guys around and using our (cooler) heads and forcing people to see the truth. But the spin was in, and suddenly the whole Empire (they have a mightily badass communication network out here) was cheering Forte as the saviors of the Realm. Well…okay. Technically, yes, we did stop the war, and if focusing on that keeps them celebrating instead of shooting? We’ll take the credit.

And it’s a ridiculous amount of credit. Wow. I mean, we’ve had some parades in our Forte time, and met a few heads of state. But nothing can touch the grandeur of a full Realm ceremony. The size of the chamber alone defies logic (you’ll see pics), much less the amount of people jammed into it. Even Holly was speechless. The ceremony came after a week of touring around (them keeping us busy while the diplomats were working 24/7 to make sure the ceasefire STAYED a ceasefire. Oh, biggest moment of THAT period, by the way, was a video conference where Overlord Guyden (leader of the whole Harcor empire) insisted on speaking to us, and thanked us for freeing him from Hocus’ mind control and stopping his people from making a terrible mistake on his behalf. He had particular thanks for Holly, who was the one who really jarred him loose and brought him back to his senses. The leader of a whole empire (and an empire that perpetually hates the guts of our pals in the Realm) giving personal thanks to our Dyna Girl. To us, that’s just pretty cool. To the Realm? This something that just made their history books and will be taught to students for countless ages to come. Big, isn’t it?

So the Realm showed their thanks with not only the big tour of selected Realm worlds, but the big medal ceremony where we got made official citizens of the Realm (does this mean we have to pay taxes now?), got made official members of the Realmwatch (hey, I’m on super-hero teams in two galaxies! Far out!), and got given the rank of Realm Commander in the Realm Empire. In essence, we’re generals now. And they’re serious. This isn’t some honorary thing. I can give orders. I can order these two Realmguards up at the bar behind me to disco dance right now, and after they figure out how to Hustle, they WILL do it. It’s just weird. I’m getting saluted a lot. Oh, and I got to stand on the bridge of the Forte last night and give the official order to launch. So cool I can’t begin to describe it. I so almost said “engage”, but I didn’t want to goof around and be disrespectful. I like to set a good example for my troops, you know.

But before we got all inducted, we were just mega-celebs getting the big tour. For PR reasons, I’m sure, they sent us around on the Forte (which made me feel better, because the Mariner’s still in the docking bay here and I’m nervous getting too far away from it). We got to see all kinds of planets and an incredible variety of races. They really wanted to show us the diversity of the Realm worlds, and their selection certainly accomplished that. Our experiences ranged from the capital city of Eofel, with skyscrapers that literally reached miles into the air, to the moon of Teao, where everyone still lives in huts and hunts their food (to be fair, this food tends to hunt them, too). I’ve seen a waterfall so epic that it brought tears to my eyes. Our timing was just perfect enough so that we witnessed the birth of a future emperor on a world where the crown is passed by blood. They actually show the birth on their version of live TV. And we were there with the dignitaries of many worlds in the gallery surrounding the birth bed. Creepy, but moving. I have flown on top of a giant bat. A giant BAT. I’m a bat jockey now. It’s insane. And perhaps one of my most memorable moments was one of the simplest – telling Earth and Forte stories to a huge gathering of children in an orphanage on a world just recovering from a terrible civil war. Turns out we’re all just the best fairy tales ever. Of course, it’s all in the way you tell the stories.

Oh, and I got to fly a space fighter!! The minute I saw them in the bay on the Forte, even before anyone knew who we were and dozens of troops were holding rifles on us, I remember thinking, “If we live through this, I’m going to fly me one of them bastards”. Once I went from prisoner to superstar, that stopped being a problem. I am SO freaking Luke Skywalker now. Had one of the Realmflyers (yes, they actually call their pilots that) take me out and show me the ropes, and before you knew it, I was riiiight iiiiinnn toooo the danger zone… AWEsome.

And everyone else is fine, having a swell time, too. It’s weird, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jeremy this…relaxed. I mean, I know he’s usually very sedate, but now he’s like…serene. Not sure what it is about being out here in the Realm that’s doing it to him, but it’s a good thing. Maybe things make more sense out here to him. Maybe the Realm is more the way he’s trying to make Earth. Anyway, he’s good. He’s been hanging out a lot with the rank and file Realm troops, learning their training methods, their fighting styles. Those guys really dig him. Tommy, naturally, is a huge hit. He’s making friends wherever we go – both people friends AND animal friends. We lost track of him for like five hours on this planet called Iwwaatte. He just bounded off after this herd of Usawej – kind of like a moose meets beaver meets turkey species…kind of – and finally showed back up again after sunset. Just said he made friends with them. Okay. Speaking of friends, he’s definitely made a close friend of the Realmwatch member Meta4. I’m not quite sure of the…extent…of their friendship, but it seems pretty close. She seems pretty fond of old Tommy Boy. And Holly’s really doing us proud out here. With the exception of one MINOR incident we won’t talk about, she’s taken this ambassador-to-the-stars thing very seriously. People are really taken with her, especially with the way she tells stories. She’s got the Realmsovereign eating out of her hand. I’m thinking he might name another ship the Dyna Girl after we go home. She’s really enjoying meeting all the different races. She’s made sure I’ve taken a picture of her with each of them, too.

We’ve enjoyed getting to know the Realmwatch, too – as we should, since they’re kind of our teammates, now. They’re an interesting mix. Now that we’ve been around long enough for them to open up to us, we’ve found they have some really fascinating stories. Blue Victor was a freedom fighter on his world. Well, he was a soldier first, under the dictatorship that ran things there, but he turned his back on them and joined the rebels, and was a major reason the dictatorship fell. I don’t think he’s smiled EVER in his life, by the way. Not a party guy. Galaxia was in line to be queen of her world (a world where women are the dominant gender) and gave it up to join the Realmwatch. Reasons of her own, I guess. Whatever they were, I hear she nearly started a civil war by doing so. Very wise and friendly gal. Note that I will NOT be showing any photos of her to my wife. Trust me. Meta4, Tommy’s “buddy”, is a really sweet and bright young woman. And very adventurous. She was an archeologist, until she ended up in this temple where she found the mystic gem that stuck itself into her chest and gave her her “I turn into four women” powers. This gem, I guess, holds the spirit of this protector of a long-dead race (kind of like Rainier’s deal. And she’s an archeologist, too. Too bad Tommy got to her first, Davis…). Well, now it has a much wider selection of folks to protect. Legionnon is the MAN. This guy is amazing. And HUGE. His whole race is huge. But his whole race isn’t half cybernetic like he, unfortunately, is, due to losing most of his body in battle. He’s a career Realmforce soldier. Loads and loads of stories to tell. You notice military guys always have the best stories? And even in space, apparently, there’s always going to be at least one involving a hooker and local police…

You want to talk about interesting guys….you talk about Chosen – aka, Ambassador K’Jerenn. He’s a serving Ambassador for his world, and yet, a member of the Realmwatch, too. His homeworld is really unique. It’s a very wealthy and aristocratic place. But very religious as well. Though their religion is based on the idea of each of us being our own God. They’re famed throughout the Realm for their pursuits of philosophy and enlightenment. And yet…very into politics and political maneuvering. They’re a great dichotomy. Oh, and they’re also all telepathic and telekinetic. Which adds another nice twist to the puzzle. I love trying to figure him out. He’s at once a priest, a politician, a snob and a humanitarian. I officially lost one whole night of sleep on this trip because I couldn’t stop talking to him. We got on this thing about what sentience really means and what science has to say about divinity and next thing I know, we’re getting called to breakfast.

Sun Kin is a crack-up. In that he’s so NOT a crack-up. I don’t know that I’ve ever met someone so devoid of a sense of humor…and yet, somehow that makes him hilarious to me. He is an onry and bitter old man. One who’s worshipped by his people but doesn’t want to be. Long story, but the short version is that when he got his solar powers, that “accident” fulfilled a prophecy and his very religious sun-worshipping race saw him as the returning great defender. He believes none of this. That’s his big secret. He’s a guy who spent his whole long life living in a theocracy, secretly being an atheist who cared for nothing but science. Suddenly, in his later years, he fulfills the prophecy he’s scoffed at his whole life? How is that NOT funny? He still doesn’t believe it. But he’s got to keep up appearances for the sake of his people. People who still make pilgrimages to come see him. Which he hates. Heh.

Traveler is very cool, a very serene and likeable girl. As you might recall, big teleports are her thing. She’ll be our ride home once she’s rested enough for such a big jump and gets the okay. Her story’s kind of sad. To me, at least. On her world, this teleport thing is a rare, but regular, gift, and it’s a big part of their religion. So when her parents found out she had it, their religion dictated they had to hand her over to the order, who would then raise and train her. Their religion is big on traveling to other worlds with their teleport thing and amassing knowledge. Seena (Traveler) was always more interested in getting to know cultures and interacting with them instead of just cataloging them and moving on. By the time the big thing happened (the thing where the Realmsovereign was on a world she was visiting and she stopped revolutionaries from kidnapping him), she was really feeling her place in the universe was not being in the order. When the Realmsovereign made her the offer to join the Realmwatch, she took it – but like Galaxia ended up become an outcast to her people because of it. Like I said…sad. But she doesn’t seem to let it get to her. I think she’s just happy being free and experiencing all the galaxy has to offer her.

So we’re spending time with them, when we can – they’re on high alert still with the whole near-war thing, so they’re occasionally off doing other stuff. I kind of feel like we should be off doing this “other stuff” with them (putting down the occasional skirmish, border patrolling, etc), but the Sovereign is pretty insistent on wanting to make the rest of our stay here more of a vacation, so, hey…who are we to argue?

Oh, and I’m being sure to bring home goodies for everyone. I think we’re going to fill as much of the Mariner as we can, actually. Yes, Tinker and Vanguard, we will be bringing home lots of neat-o alien tech for you to play with and reverse engineer (good luck fighting with Johnny over it). We’re bringing alien food, too, so anyone brave enough can sample what we’ve been living on. For our pathetic smokers (Jared, Lucy), I’m bringing back this kind-of-tobacco that’s a major export of this moon called Xiddi, which they swear is supposed to bring good fortune to all beings dumb enough to suck it into their lungs. Got some toys for the kids, got some art (cool little statue god things made out of this near-transparent black rock), got some clothes, stuff like that. It’s gonna be Christmas – Close Encounters-style. I’m trying not to bring anything that might hold some kind of alien virus that’ll wipe out all of humanity, but, you know, you take your chances.

Really, though, the main thing that prompted me to write you guys tonight was just thinking about how we’re being treated out here, and why. I know there have been times when all of us have wondered why we bother doing what we’re doing, if it’s worth putting our lives on the line, if we’re really making any kind of difference. Well, I’m sitting here on a giant spaceship halfway across the universe that has the name “Forte” painted on the side of it (though not in a language you could read, so you’ll have to take my word for it). The ruler of an empire made up of countless billions of sentient beings can’t get enough of Forte stories. He’s essentially a big Forte fanboy. The Forte name has become a part of the official history of the Empire, and is known across this galaxy. There have already been songs written about us. Young people on different worlds are starting to use Earth slang to be cool after hearing Dyna Girl speak it. And in one of the chambers of the royal palace, there will be a mural hanging, when it’s done. A mural of us. ALL of us. A telepathic artist – with my consent, of course – got into my head and captured full images and impressions of every single Forte member, at the Sovereign’s request, and when it’s done (which I hope will be before we leave), there will be a giant floor-to-ceiling mural of Forte, hanging in a place of honor in a palace millions of light years from Earth, to be viewed by a vast menagerie of races for generations to come.

Yes. We’ve made a difference. I was just sitting in my stateroom, looking out at the stars, and thinking about that, and felt the need to write you guys and let you know that, so I came out here and started typing. Jack, Sydney, John and Tasha created something that has not only saved our own world, but that will live on in legend for all time. If we as humans are dumb enough to finally destroy our own world, the Forte name will live on. Out here. That’s pretty humbling. And pretty great. I just wanted you guys to know that.

Well, early day tomorrow, and this has taken me too long (I’ve had to stop a few times and talk to some folks who wanted to introduce themselves), and besides, I think the bar should have already closed but they’re keeping it open because I’m sitting over here. So I’ll let everyone turn in. Hopefully we’ll see you all very soon, and will have many, many stories to tell. I’m already planning to have everyone at the base so we can put our photos and video up on the big screen and Jeremy, Tommy, Holly and I can explain them as we go. I know, sitting through someone else’s vacation photos is usually a groaner of an idea. Well, OUR vacation photos have spaceships, giant lizards and orange-skinned dancing girls wearing nothing but ceremonial body paint (just got John’s attention, didn’t I?), so it’ll be a bit more entertaining than your usual Yosemite trip. Trust me.

Love you guys, miss you guys. See you Earthlings again real soon. This is the Realmship Forte, signing off.

Realm Commander Anvil